Seriously........motivation. Where are you???

Why-oh-Why can I not find my motivation?  I want to be thin.  I do.  I want to be healthy.  I want to be happy.  I want to be comfortable in my skin.  I do NOT want to rely on my boyfriend complimenting me in order to feel good about myself.  It's a ridiculous notion, and I'm completely aware it, yet...I do not thing to fix the problem.  Instead I continue to drop a few measly pounds just to put them right back on.  How do I do this?  How do I lose the weight?  Why can't I hold myself accountable?  I weighed myself this morning (quickly becasuse I was running late...as usual) wearing a pair of jeans, a tshirt, and a hoodie.  I came in at 166.6.  Ugh.  I'm sure that naked, it would be closer to 163, but that means that I put back on the 5 pounds that I just lost that put me down to 158.  My double chin is showing up in pictures again, and my arms look SO gross that I'm not sure I'll ever be in a tank top ever (and I mean ever, other than the 2 times I wore a tank top in my WHOLE life).  I feel disgusting...you would think that would be enough to push me to make the change!  I'm not really sure what the problem is, and I can't seem to gain any control here, and I can't seem to take responsiblity to fix it!  I mean, obviously, I'm not eating healthfully, and I'm not working out; so I guess I DO know WHAT the problem is.  Today is Monday, today I start Jillian again.  I'm going to knock it out, and then I'm going to write a blog about it, so that I'm held accountable!  If there isn't a blog post tonight, then you know I failed, and I suck at life.  Let's Do This!!!!!  This girl and this outfit are my current inspiration.  Let's see if the thought that I COULD actually pull off this look (if I'd just put in the f-ing work) motivates me to lose the weight!

 

 

To those of you reading this...I mean, there must be at least one person, right??  Please feel free to comment with any ideas for motivation that worked for you (or are currently working for you).  I could really use it right now.