Stress and a bout of depression = Pretty major weight gain =/

Well, it's been a rough year so far...and it's only March!  During the Holidays, I found out that my boyfriend's brother no longer wanted his 10 year old pitbull, Tarus.  How anyone can decide they no longer want a dog after 10 freaking years is beyond me!  Needless to say, I no longer have a relationship with Stephen.  I can't deal with that kind of asshole.  Anyway, James and I took the Tarus in (even though we knew it was not a great idea because he and our cancer doggy Zeus did not get along), and started the hunt for a safe place for Tarus to go.  On the 3rd day, we noticed blood in the urine, so we had to get him to the vet.  There was a possible mass in his bladder, but we didn't have the money to do the tests, so I started a Chip-In.  I was absolutely amazed and humbled by the outpouring of love and donations for this sweet boy.  Before we could get him back in to the vet, I got the most wonderful email!  Heather, the director of Rifle Animal Shelter, said she had room!  So, my sister and I loaded up and drove pretty much the entire length of the state to drop off Tarus and his over $300 in donations.  Sadly, a little more than a week after we took Tarus to this wonderful place, it was found that the mass was cancer, and the recommendation was to let him go.  Very heartbreaking, for sure.  To add to it, just 2 days prior, my sister had to let her Ripley go after 11 years of loving that crazy, crazy animal.  AND then, just 2 1/2 weeks after that, our cancer doggy Zeus lost his battle.  One of his tumors ruptured, and despite our best efforts to keep him happy and comfortable, he gave up, and we had to let him go.  Very hard for me, who had loved this gentle giant for almost 3 years...nearly impossible for my boyfriend, who had loved him for over 11 years.  So...that was a rough couple of weeks, but then to top it all off, just 4 days after I let go of a best friend, I received news that another best (human) friend had taken his own life.  This one is still weighing very heavily on my heart.  Jordan was such an important person, and such a constant in my life from the time I was 16 years old.  How many people can say that someone they met when they were 16 was still important after 13 years?  I'm completely heartbroken about it, and I'm not sure I'll ever be able to fully, fully recover from it.  He was very important, and we had a relationship unlike any I've ever had before.  Just two people that had mutual respect for one another, and despite hard times and immature moments, that respect never dwindled.  I will miss him forever.

And, while it is as big of a deal considering all of ^---------that!  James' truck died on the Friday after Zeus and before Jordan.  So, we've been sharing one vehicle for the past 2 1/2 weeks, and it is awful.

A little bit of good news (but also stressful) is that we got a new puppy!  We named him Frankenstein, and he is precious.  It wouldn't be so bad if James would stop spoiling him, and making him sleep in his crate instead of cuddled up on the couch.  We can cuddle after he's house trained and Fallynn (our sweet baby that rather preferred being the only dog in the house) trusts him.  We've only had him for 5 days, so obviously, it's going to take more time.

So, onto the issue at hand...Stress = Weight gain.  Duh, we all knew that, right?  Well, in the last month and a week, I have gained 10 pounds!  My current weight is at 173, and I have OFFICIALLY hit my heaviest.  Unacceptable.  I looked in the mirror the other day, and stopped.  I said to myself, "Ok.  I'm fat.  There is just no other way around it.  Not chubby.  Not chunky.  Not heavy.  Nope.  Fat.  I am fat."  The moment that I was this brutally honest with myself, I felt a sense of relief.  Yesterday, I went grocery shopping, and only bought things on the first phase food list for the 17-Day Diet.  I'm fully committing to this.  Last time, I committed myself, I lost 10 pounds in the first 17 days.  Excellent.  I would love nothing more than to be back down to where I was at the beginning of the year in a little over 2 weeks.  I have already explained to James that I need him to stay away from my food.  When I cook, I will cook for both of us, but the leftovers are mine.  He is free to bring into the house whatever he would like, but he is not free to eat the food on my diet since it is crucial that I have my foods available to me.  This first 17 days, there are no substitutes.  This is detox time.  I will be living on poultry (since I don't like fish, unfortunately), veggies, and a few servings of fruit and a few glasses of heart healthy milk...that's it!  I need to cleanse my system, so I can feel better.  I need to get over the hump this weekend, so other than walking the dogs a few times a  day, I won't be including much exercise time.  I know, I know.  If you've ever done this diet, the first couple of days suck the most.  Especially if you're addicted to diet coke like me.  Quitting that cold turkey brings on migraine like headaches.  I plan to get over that, and then start Jillian Michael's Body Revolution all over AGAIN, on Monday!  No excuses this time!  All I need to do is look in the mirror, and I have my motivation.  Right now, this is not about about how I want to look...it's about how I DON'T want to look.  I feel disgusting, flabby, like a blob of wasted space right now.  Time to make some changes, and knock out this bout of depression brought on by some really crappy events.

2013 has really started out to be a crap year.  I hope that I can turn that around and make 2013 the year that I can say, "I hit my goal weight!"  And hopefully, 2014 will be the year I get to say, "I hit and STAYED at my ideal weight!"

I have also decided that I will be posting my healthy, 1st Phase acceptable recipes.  It should be assumed that if I don't post a recipe...I had a salad (romaine/spinach mixture) with fat free cheddar cheese, some sliced deli turkey, a few hard chow mein noodles for some crunch, a sliced hardboiled egg white, and a dressing of red or white wine vinegar with a tbsp of Ranch.

Here is the healthy meatloaf that I made last night.  I made a few changes.  I used ALL lean turkey instead of half turkey, half beef...no red meat this first 17 days.  And I used a few extra bread crumbs (not much at all, just a heaping instead of perfectly leveled cup) since I forgot the buy parsley.  I thought it was really good, and I think I'll like it even more as leftovers because it was just a touch more moist than I prefer.  That may have not happened had I had a darker beer than Blue Moon, and if I had remembered to pick up parsley.

Blue Ribbon Meatloaf

Ingredients

• 2 teaspoons canola or light olive oil
• 1 medium sweet onion, chopped
• 12 ounces dark or amber beer
• 1 teaspoon dried thyme
• 1 teaspoon dry mustard
• 3/4 teaspoon salt
• black ground pepper, to taste
• 1 1/4 pounds organic lean ground beef
• 1 1/4 pounds organic lean ground turkey
• 1 cup soft whole-wheat bread crumbs
• 1/4 cups fresh parsley, chopped
• 1 large egg, lightly beaten
• 1 large egg, whites only, lightly beaten

Preparation

1. Preheat oven to 375°F. Coat an 8 1/2 x 4 1/2-inch loaf pan with cooking spray.

2. Heat oil in a large skillet over medium-high heat. Add onion and cook, stirring often, until translucent and starting to brown, about 5 minutes.

3. Pour in beer and increase heat to high. Bring to a vigorous boil; cook until the liquid is quite thick and the mixture reduces to about 3/4 cup, 8 to 10 minutes. Transfer to a large bowl.

4. Stir in thyme, dry mustard, salt and pepper. Let cool for 10 minutes.

5. Add beef, turkey, breadcrumbs, parsley, egg and egg white to the onion mixture.

6. With clean hands, mix thoroughly and transfer to the prepared pan.

7. Bake the meatloaf until an instant-read thermometer registers 160°F when inserted into the center, about 1 hour 20 minutes. Let rest for 5 minutes; drain accumulated liquid from the pan and slice.

Makes 8 servings.

Nutrition Facts
Calories: 259                           Saturated Fat: 2 g                   Dietary Fiber: 2 g
Total Fat: 9 g                           Sodium: 339 mg                      Protein: 31 g
Cholesterol: 105 mg                Total Carbohydrate: 11 g